Tuesday 05.13.2025
I do not remember how the dream started, but I remember getting on a small & accommodated boat that had enough in it inside for many more people than it ever proposed from the looks of it. I was feeling SO HORRIBLY DEPRESSED! and would mull over between deciding I have the right to sadness to realizing im in a private room of a cruise ship and honestly, I should just go for a swim. I went on the docks and saw the girl from my school, MIRROR, her. She could give everyone mental notes on her opinion on them, and mine first read as romantic, and then re-shuffled into something with the same words, but of a completely different, not notable at all, casually friendly, meaning. I felt upset. (I won't care about it further.)
After a sleep (I think?), I woke up to a much darker, stuffier room, with beige curtains drawn, lit by yellow lights showing creases on brown pillows, the floor was unwalkable and viscous like a bunched up blanket is. I could tell it was horribly, horribly early. Looking back on my bed, I saw thrown across several sweater-pants vested sets with knit into them teddy bears, and was told by my brother it was pajama day. I chose the red one. They all had fake white shirt collars, and for some reason I was wearing a d####r, which I wasn't very ashamed about. It actually felt cozy. My brother was younger than he is.
Going out on the ship itself (and I think somewhere between here and there I have changed into a swimsuit because I remember feeling uncomfortable putting it on in a steamy crammy shower), I watched the waves. I noticed them being quite high, and then the ship was flooded across the dock, and it would flip itself to extremes to get the water out. I stayed, finding invisible platforms to perch on like in a poorly-done video game, until, holding onto /some/ rope, I was flung in the air. Naked (?), I didn't think much about being suspended mid-nowhere, I worried about how I'm going to be photographed for the news, and how public indecency is illegal. As soon as it calmed down, I slapped back into the water. I was watching myself in 3rd person, as a camera.
Back in school, it was somehow nation-wide news that, despite physically surviving being flung around, I had still sustained an impact, and was now mentally disabled. I only lost my ability to speak and motorics. Looking at MIRROR, i felt ashamed again, and I could not gauge her attention, or affection, or any friendship. Everyone left, and I was dragged station to station in a large room (recognised; my school's whole bottom floor that serves as a gathering point) made up only of small activity tables to do simple tasks. The group of faculty helping me made me look at letters and pour water on paper to see if it absorbs. I felt fraudulent, simply dropped the 'act' (?), and walked away.
Now, looking through a screen, from someone I know there was a new whole interactive game embedded in a twitter post. First, a drawing, the user's persona in a computer mirroring a self on his knees drawing that same character, with a caption concerning something about selfhood, fraudulence, then it changed to something about how all ideas are stolen anyway, so who are you to not do so. The game prompted you to draw something yourself, then distorted it pale and red-eyed, then arrested your body, similarly to sleep paralysis. The caption shifted to my own text, and on the small black bx in the corner, three icons of faces and not all had soothers. I woke up shortly after thinking first and foremost that I suddenly am in love with my alarm, and so I laid flat and let it play instead of getting up. I have never been happier to hear music.